The Story of ‘If I Were Enlightened


follow Creating the song ‘If I were Enlightened’ was quite the journey! I wrote it many years ago when my Texan upbringing was being shaken with a good does of California New Age spirituality. Bless my gullible heart; I use to try anything to relieve the chronic pain I felt in my body and the emptiness I felt in my heart. And I never did anything half way either. Oh, contrare’! No matter what it was, I’d take a full breath and dive right off the deep end with complete, ignorant abandon into whatever ‘method de jour’ was being offered. I am glad to say with age came a little more wisdom and a LOT more self love… Well, in the deep end I was. I fell in love with a man who professed to be ‘polyamorous’. ‘Poly what?” I asked. Ohhhh, that’s the fancy name for what we Texans call ‘sleeping with more than one person at a time’ and being up front about it. Well, in my new found, new age reasoning, it made all the spiritual sense in the world and I set out to transcend my reptilian brain and human conditioning. I convinced myself it was ‘the universe’ presenting me with a keen opportunity to rise above my mortal coils (and common sense). For a year I did every transcendental spiritual gyration I possibly could before facing the simple fact that “Uh, this really doesn’t work for me. I’m leaving.”

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follow url Shortly after that miraculously transformative act of self care, I wrote “If I were Enlightened.”

thesis 184 After a couple of more rounds in the relationship boxing ring, I realized my ‘picker’ was pretty much broken and when it came to men, I did not choose wisely for myself. With that, I took very lengthy hiatus from any romantic or sexual interactions, declaring ’As long as I am that person in relationship, I won’t be in one.”And I turned my attention towards creating a relationship with me. That old saying “You cannot truly love someone else until you love yourself” was absolutely spot on and I found out what I thought was love was anything but.

source link It was in giving up the search to find out what was wrong with me that I saw nothing was. I was just looking for love in all the wrong places. When the search for love ‘out there’ finally ended and I turned inward, that’s when love started to show its ‘real’ face.

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go So that’s what this song is about. It’s a little light-hearted autobiography about giving up. In doing so, I started finding everything I was looking for all along. What I thought was the end was just the beginning.